Let's Listen In On What Really Happened
by CraftyNotepad
Summary: The Phil of the Future cast faced a crisis after season 2. Wanna find out what they were saying? Admittedly, I might have a few of the quotes wrong, but basically, this is what happened.
1. Act I

Disclaimer: I know! It's not fair that I still don't own Phil of the Future. It's really not my fault.

**Let's Listen In On What Really Happened**

_Our Players and References_

Alyson Michalka = Keely Teslow

Amy Bruckner = Pim Diffy

Brenda Song = Tia Chen

Carrie Michalka = Alyson's Mother

Craig Anton = Lloyd Diffy

Doug Tuber = Co-Creator

Evan Peters = Seth Wosmer

J.P. Manoux = Curtis, Neil Hackett

James Welden = Artist and Production Designer

Julie Sherman Wolfe = Writer

John Philpotts = Set Designer

Kelli McCarty = Miss Mayberry

Lise Simms = Barbara Diffy

Milla Uliviero = News Stand Girl

Ricky Ullman - Phil Diffy

Tim Maile = Co-Creator

Yeardley Smith = Mandy Teslow

-‹◊∆◊›-

ACT I

Setting: Early on a Saturday morning at the Phil of the Future studio's script reading room.

We call you here this morning, because of a glitch, a hiccup, a speed bump regarding our third season.

What's that, Chiefs?

Amy's moving out of the area.

No problem. She can sleep in the break room.

She's fifteen. She can't sleep in the studio.

"Seth" does.

And that's WHY! I'm not sharing.

Selfish Seth.

Hey, write me back in a script and I'll stop living out back in the "time machine." It's not like my character moved like "Tia." Nobody offered me a series or movie deals. Hello? Am I a ghost? Can anybody even hear me? You know, one day I'm going to get other parts, I'll be taken seriously as an ac--

So, Amy CAN sleep in the studio. Somebody requisition a sleeping bag for Bruckner. Problem solved.

Problem. She's not sixteen yet. You know the rules. "No one under sixteen can sleep on the lot unless they're currently dating someone of director-status or above, like Milla U, newstand girl."

Oh, yeah. I forgot. Hmm. So, what if we drive her in early or schedule her shoot for the afternoon? It's not like the show's called "Pim of the Future;" she's not in most scenes.

She's in enough and -- yes?

Hey, it's just that I put a lot of work into updating the time machine.

We all know. (You've told us over and over again.) What about it?

Well, you both told me to build a new time machine, so I did.

We know, John. What's your point?

If there's not going to be another season, can I have it to set up in my garage? It doesn't seem fair to waste it in just one episode, does it? I really like what I came up with.

Who said there's not going to be a season three? We just have one little problem to work out, John. That why I called this brainstorming session to -- yes?

I think the billing in the opening credits should be alphabetical.

By last name?

No! No! No! By first name.

(Who invited Tina Louise's mother here?) Isn't that just another way of saying --

I think Aly should get top billing.

(Not again! We really need to lock that door.)

(We did! I think she found one of Amy's tunnels.)

(I thought she -- never mind.) Noted. Moving on. Now about Amy --

Since this show is really about Keely and her adventures with this family from the future and Aly is in every episode and almost every scene ... I think she should be in more scenes.

The show is called "Phil" of the Future. It's about a boy named "Phil" and his family, on vaca-- do I have to sing the entire theme song every meeting? It's not called Keely and her amazing mother_ AND BEFORE YOU SUGGEST IT AGAIN_ -- no. you can not play Keely's older sister, Kelly.

It was just a suggestion I made one time.

(One time too many.)

I heard that. Didn't my cheerleading suggestion make for a great episode? I know it's one of my favorites.

It did add a dimension to my character -- and to Aly's, as well.

Getting back to Amy -- yes?

What if we just shot Amy from the neck up?

Huh?

You know, like we were going to do with my character in beginning. We could just set up a blue screen in a closet in her house with a little camera. Amy could read Pim's lines and send the video to the studio via the internet.

That ... could work. This could add a new gimick to our third season as power mad Pim is now "disarmed." Her brother now leaves her head in his locker at school, plays basketball with Curtis in the Diffys' driveway with Pim's head as the ball. Pim tries to bite, lands in the bushes as Hackett --

Vice-Principal Hackett

(SIGH) Vice-Principal Hackett ... where was I? Oh, yeah, Vice --- their neighbor is trimming his hedge and -- now what?

This is a Disney Show, People. How many times do I have to tell you this isn't Nickelodeon? We can't have that kind of innuendo on our channel.

What kind of -- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? He's trimming his hedge.

Exactly.

It's the same hedge that Ricky and Keely trimmed when J.P. moved next door. "Forbidden hedge trimming" as I recall.

Exactly. Just because you snuck an innuendo past me once, don't think you can do it again. The "D" in Disney doesn't stand for "dumb."

-‹◊∆◊›-

End Act I  
Intermission


	2. Act II Political Correctness

Disclaimer: I know! It's so 2005, but I still don't own Phil of the Future.

**Let's Listen In On What Really Happened**

_Our Players and References_

Alyson Michalka = Keely Teslow

Amy Bruckner = Pim Diffy

Brenda Song = Tia Chen

Carrie Michalka = Alyson's Mother

Craig Anton = Lloyd Diffy

Doug Tuber = Co-Creator

Evan Peters = Seth Wosmer

J.P. Manoux = Curtis, Neil Hackett

James Welden = Artist and Production Designer

Julie Sherman Wolfe = Writer

John Philpotts = Set Designer

Kelli McCarty = Miss Mayberry

Lise Simms = Barbara Diffy

Milla Uliviero = News Stand Girl

Ricky Ullman - Phil Diffy

Tim Maile = Co-Creator

Yeardley Smith = Mandy Teslow

-‹◊∆◊›-

ACT II -- Political Correctness

"Ditsy?" "Dummkopf?" "Deranged?" "Drunk?"

Ha-ha. But you'll never get one past me again.

You mean like teenagers in the dark garage without adult supervision? How about Bradley offering Pim a wad of cash to do what he wants? Phil and Keely playing married grownups together? Then, there was time when Pim takes an much, much, much older man into a dark theater ...

WHA-WHA-WHa?

You really haven't been watching. No wonder they get to swear on "Raven." What four-letter word do you think they mean when they say "Snap!" every third line? And what did you think was meant by "purple clay" in the Maybe-Sittin' episode? Didn't you get the code?

Homina-homina-homina.

Maybe you should go get a drink of water and sit down. Better yet, go out for a drink --

I can't leave you people! Why if my bosses found out --

-- and contemplate how you'd explain these things --

You wouldn't say anything would you? It would cost me my job if this show wasn't totally wholesome and --

Oh, relax. We've know each other for quite some time now. It's not like we're going to tarnish the mouse's image by casting a former Miss USA turned porn star, now is it?

No, I suppose not. How could that possibly happen on a Disney show?

Exactly.

You mean he doesn't know about Kelli?

Sh! There you go, take the morning off. Maybe a long nap while the grownups solve things.

Thank you. Yes, I think it's best if I pretend this conversation never happened. Just carry on as if I was here.

Excuse me, is there a J. P. Man-Man ... Man-ow-ecks here?

I'm J. P. Manoux?

So, this is you?

Probably. What can I do for you? We're kind of busy here.

I was sent to walk you upstairs for another meeting.

Now?

Now.

Sorry, Gang.

Now -- where were we before those interruptions?

Attempting to solve the dilemma of the time-space continuum: how to film here with Amy there? We could start filming there. Of course, all our sets are here.

Season three could take place in the future. New sets. We already have the new time machine for the Diffys to tool around in to set the style of what to expect in the future.

Great!

New gadgets.

Terrific!

New supporting cast.

Wonder-oh. Whoa. Bad, bad idea. I still have house payments.

Not to mention the cost for future sets, cars, and the like. We have a good thing going here, Folks. All we have to do each episode is toss in a new plastic prop, call it a thing-a-muh-gig from the future, and toss in a few seconds of special effects. That's far cheaper than creating the 22nd Century.

There goes all my overtime -- and my new backyard pool.

(Does anyone ever have a front yard pool?)

(Maybe not, but four more of those wizrd gizmos and I could if I wanted to. When Evan Peters sat on one, replacing it paid off my Prius.)

Not to mention that my character would be back here in 2006 without any Diffys to talk to..

Mine, too!

And me!

Okay, then changing the setting to the future -- while fun -- is out. What's left?

-‹◊∆◊›-

End Act II  
Intermission

Rat Snacks and Fried Baloney Sandwiches are being sold in the lobby.


	3. Act III Solutions?

Disclaimer: I know! It's so 2005, but I still don't own Phil of the Future.

**Let's Listen In On What Really Happened**

_Our Players and References_

Alyson Michalka = Keely Teslow

Amy Bruckner = Pim Diffy

Brenda Song = Tia Chen

Carrie Michalka = Alyson's Mother

Craig Anton = Lloyd Diffy

Doug Tuber = Co-Creator

Evan Peters = Seth Wosmer

J.P. Manoux = Curtis, Neil Hackett

James Welden = Artist and Production Designer

Julie Sherman Wolfe = Writer

John Philpotts = Set Designer

Kelli McCarty = Miss Mayberry

Lise Simms = Barbara Diffy

Milla Uliviero = News Stand Girl

Ricky Ullman - Phil Diffy

Tim Maile = Co-Creator

Yeardley Smith = Mandy Teslow

-‹◊∆◊›-

Act III -- Solutions?

There's Lise's idea, shooting Amy's head only.

Yeah. Um, anybody remember why we dropped that idea for "Barbara?"

All those beheadings in the Middle East. But everyone's forgotten about that by now.

Everyone, but the lawyers and suits worried about offending a marketplace. Disney is hanging in over there and they're taking the long view of sales over the next century. Almost 2121 -- that's almost funny.

We could recast. Better yet, we could write Amy's character out.

Gimme an example.

Well, she's always pulling scams -- what if she finally gets busted? Sure, and then she can't take any future tech into the prison, so --

-- so we have the family visit her through the glass partition in the prison's waiting room. We could set up shots of just Amy speaking, then the other actors in the related shots.

I love it! It's clean. It's easy. It's --

-- not Disney. Don't get me wrong; I like it, and if this was just another soap opera, I'd be behind it. But this has to be sold to the Disney Channel. We could do it for one episode, but they'd never let us get away with it for a season.

A plane crashes into the prison --

No.

Pim starts a riot and gets sent to solitary for the rest of --

No, no, no. You're trying and I appreciate it, but "no." Here's the thing: we need a solution for an entire season. We can't have Pim in prison, no blowing her up, either. What else?

Grumble, grumble, grumble ... missing my golf game ... grumble, grumble ...

Maybe you'd all rather join Evan on casting calls?

Actually, I have several solid prospects --

Put a sock in it, Wosmer!

Yeah, Evan. You need to get established before you can kick-ass in Hollywood.

(Kick-Ass ... that would be a great idea for a movie ...)

What was that, Peters?

(Nothin')

Back to Pim Diffy -- what are we going to do about her?

Let's go over your "Can't List" again. No decapitating, imprisoning, or killing her off. How about shipping her off? What if we ship her off to the future? We could have her take the time machine on a secret trip before the planned family trip back to 2121 and she leaves without resetting the time wahwhosits --

Temporal Pump Valve

You scare me sometimes that you know this stuff -- and the time machine breaks down with her stuck half-way home.

Separate storyline, no family values -- no go.

All right, alright. How's we reinvent her?

You mean the android angle?

Nope. I'm saying, we get another actress to play Pim Diffy. Someone well within driving distance from this studio.

The viewers will notice. We can't pull another Darrin, like on Bewitched.

Nothing like that. Well, exactly like that.

We can't. What else?

Hear me out. What did they do on Bewitched when Dick York couldn't play the part anymore? They found Dick Sargent, a replacement who took over.

We're going to find a twin for Amy? Any idea how long that would take?

Not a twin. We do what they did -- we use the same character template. Pim is a conniving, mischievious, greedy, power-hungry little sister. We hire an actress to do take up the role, but --

It'll never work.

But we cast an older, taller actress to take over the part.

Great, another girl in the cast who's taller than me. Phil's going to start hanging around Via a lot next season.

Ricky.

Rav. I'm going by Raviv, now.

Mr. Ullman. How's that? Back to this new "Pim." How are we going to explain it?

Julie? Somebody get Julie some coffee.

Well, Pim has pulled some scams in the past, even hints of dealing with adults, so ... she matured herself with the NewAger, but there was an accident and it got broked.

Busted. You mean busted.

What are you, my editor? It got itself destroyed into a million pieces, so now she's stuck like this, in her mature form. You pick the age, and it will be a new family dynamic as little sister becomes big sis -- every younger sibling's dream. Pim will now have the upper hand over Phil. The family can explain her as a cousin, and she can be in Phil's grade or twelfth, so we can still have them at the same school.

And the season after that?

She gets held back a grade. Disney will cut us off after four seasons; we all know that.

True, true.

So, we have Amy come out for the shooting of a few scenes in the first episode of the new season, pop in the new Pim with the same attitude, and problem solved. What does everyone think?

I just want to go back to bed.

If we agree, can be go?

I think Julie deserves a big hand from all of us. (CLAP, CLAP, CLAP)

Yea, Julie! You saved our bacon.

But it was my idea.

Technically.

But --

Hey, J. P.'s back. You missed it all. Problem solved. We're getting a new, older Pim.

Sounds great. I should have left the room earlier.

Are you still with us? You didn't get canned, did you?

It's like this: yes and no.

-‹◊∆◊›-

End Act III  
Intermission


	4. Act IV It's Always Darkest …

Disclaimer: I know! It's so 2005, but I still don't own Phil of the Future.

**Let's Listen In On What Really Happened**

_Our Players and References_

Alyson Michalka = Keely Teslow

Amy Bruckner = Pim Diffy

Brenda Song = Tia Chen

Carrie Michalka = Alyson's Mother

Craig Anton = Lloyd Diffy

Doug Tuber = Co-Creator

Evan Peters = Seth Wosmer

J.P. Manoux = Curtis, Neil Hackett

James Welden = Artist and Production Designer

Julie Sherman Wolfe = Writer

John Philpotts = Set Designer

Kelli McCarty = Miss Mayberry

Lise Simms = Barbara Diffy

Milla Uliviero = News Stand Girl

Ricky Ullman - Phil Diffy

Tim Maile = Co-Creator

Yeardley Smith = Mandy Teslow

-‹◊∆◊›-

ACT IV -- It's Always Darkest ...

You're with us and you got canned? Come again?

Sorry. I mean, "no and yes." I'm just trying to get acclimated to the idea. I've been reassigned. Drafted. Something about a series of animated history documentaries about an ancient Inca ruler. Kuzco of the Past, or some such. No more make up or wardrobe for me, it's bathrobe and razor stubble from now on.

Uh, that's great, J. P.; I guess. That's -- oh, crud. Now, we need a new Curtis AND a new Hackett! That's just great.

That's "Vice-Principal" Hackett.

(Groan) Ideas?

Hackett's been doing a terrible job --

Hey!

Sorry, J. P., but he's not the hero of the show; he's suppose to fail. Anyway, since he's gone so far as to have been fired by Pim, I say we promote him to the district office, or transfer him to work with his identical cousin at another high school out of state. We can keep the regular cast and promote a teacher to vice-principal, just as we did with J. P. after the first season. Any teacher, but Messerschmitt -- I can't even spell Messchursmidt half the time. I sure don't want to be typing it out every script revision, or have to reshoot every time an actor gets tongue tied trying to say Messchurnuts.

(Chuckle) Okay, he's easy to replace.

HEY!

What about Curtis the caveman? Quit staring at the ceiling and scratching your heads. People are going to notice a missing caveman. (In what other sort of business could I make that statement?)

(I dunno. Insurance? "So easy a caveman could do it.")

He's out hunting?

A customer hit him over the head, dragged him by his hair and now he's married and living with her?

Maybe.t has possibilities.

He's out searching for his tribe?

He's stuck here on a Saturday morning?

Someone here isn't showing team spirit like he used to, J. P.

Okay, you could have signs of Curtis, like he leaves dead meat on the Diffys' porch, or Pim is shown cleaning his little caveman box. There's no toilet in that garage. (I've checked.)

Ew. You have permission to go back to not trying. Next?

We could put him on the side of a milk cartoon?

It's been done already on another show.

How about a tomato can? Say, why don't they put kids on tomato cans, anyway?

What if Curtis is caught in -- aw, why don't we just treat him like "Seth" here? He's just not mentioned again. We don't even need to go into the garage.

Could we do that?

Why not? We've been already been using Curtis less this season and Hackett more. Curtis was always pretty much just a gimmick.

Hey.

Plus, we're going to be busy with this new Pim relationship.

"_Relationships_." What's going to happen to her dealings with the Fashion Zombies and Little Danny?

Pim's Phil's age now, right, so they're in the same grade? What if new Pim as a cousin has blossomed and the Zombies want her in their little club? Whole new dynamics. As for Danny -- anybody got a reason to keep him around?

He makes a great Igor. Pim could let him in on her secret, or just enough of it to let him know she's still in charge. What if he also thinks the Diffys are aliens, but cool aliens, because kids think aliens are cool -- none of that 50s sci-fi about global domination, taking over the appearance and identies of people, zapping folks with ray guns, or flying through the air at incredible spee-- ... say, maybe Pim really is an alien and that's why she's -- why are you all looking at me like that?

Uh, because you're talking about a character like she's real? This is just television. It' isn't real. Amy's real name is Amy, not Pim, and Pim Diffy is a daughter of the Diffys -- okay, maybe she's a robot --

Android.

Who cares? Point is, you can't rewrite the entire show just for one character.

Who? Pim?

Li'l Danny Dawkins. That's what we've been talking about!

If he was devoted to her before, he'll be gaga now over powerful Pim now, but, hey, if it doesn't fly, then we can stop writing him parts, like we did for the others. Or, or whoever the new Pim is (I already have some suggestions I'd like to run past you later) can still use him to tap the lower grades while she gets a new flunky for the upper -- they could even compete for her affection. (I have some suggestions for that part, too. I represent a few actors, on the side.)

I don't know. 11th or 12th grade girl with freshman boy ... forget the age difference. Why, the height difference alone --

Ahem.

Sorry, Ricky. I didn't see you standing there.

I'm wearing lifts and my hair is spiked! I'm the star of the show! What more can I do?

Have you considered directing?

Whoa, that's right. I was gonna -- I'm directing some season three episodes ... if there IS a next season ...

You know, I could tell them to forget the whole Kuzco-thing if I was going to direct. Uh, Doug? Tim? Anybody?

Welcome to Seth-world, J. P. -- now you know how I felt since season one ended. Maybe you could find a part for me on your show, sort of the performer's code. Whadya say, old pal, old buddy of mine?

Anybody at all? Can no one hear me? Anyone? Hello? Bald guy talking, how can you not see me?

(GRUMBLE) Again, welcome to my world.

Okay, People. Sounds good. New Pim, No more Curtis, and Genevieve Winston will be our new vice-principal. She has an established history of winning out over Phil and Pim, so she'll be a stronger vice-principal, and thus a worthier challenge.

HEY!

Thanks for coming in everybody. This really saved our -- yes?

Um, yeah ... anybody else hearing rumors about a new show on the fast track? Something about a singer?

Disney Channel is always developing new shows.

Yeah, but --

Nothing to be concerned over. We're award winning. We're sophisticated, upscale, artful -- the qualities, the very essence of the best Disney stands for, so don't worry.

But I can't get into my dressing room.

Hello! Neither could I.

Me, neither!

Uh, oh.

Ullman, you're not moving, too, are you?

Me? No. No way. I'm going to play, I mean, "be" a director here. (You guys promised, right? You said third stars always get to pick up a director's credit on their own shows. We pinkie-swore on it.) You can all count on me.

Okay. Hmm ... so, how have our ratings been?

(murmurings)

That bad? OKay, then. How about we meet again same time next week, just to stay on top of things? We'll have all Phil of the Future's angles so neatly tied up that no one will dare even muse about canceling our show. Can everyone wear sunglasses and a smile coming in next time? We'll send the message that Phil's future is so bright, we all have to wear shades. That's all, my friends. We are out of here. Bye everybody! Drive carefully.

They're gone, Tim?

Yeah, Doug.. you thinking what I'm thinking?

'Fraid so. We're likely going to be cancelled, aren't we?

Well, there's a chance that we will and a chance that we won't. We only have two seasons in the can, hardly enough for sydication, so with two years already invested in the show, Disney would have to be a fool not to have enough episodes to cash in on their bet. Sound good?

Sounds great ... what was the other chance?

(sigh) That we're not the new favorite, the economy is sagging, and so is Disney. It's not about creating; it's about cashing in on packaging. Let's face it, it's not like Disney has been merchandising our show. No hand-held wizards, wizrd cell phones, Kelly the reporter dolls, or even a Phil of the Future yo-yo. That's not an encouraging sign. Even Raven has a doll. It's not like anyone in the cast is pregnant or showing up on the internet in nude photos, but -- what's that noise? Is someone there?

-‹◊∆◊›-

End Act IV  
Intermission


	5. Act V You Told Me To

Disclaimer: I know! It's so 2005, but I still don't own Phil of the Future.

**Let's Listen In On What Really Happened**

_Our Players and References_

Alyson Michalka = Keely Teslow

Amy Bruckner = Pim Diffy

Brenda Song = Tia Chen

Carrie Michalka = Alyson's Mother

Craig Anton = Lloyd Diffy

Doug Tuber = Co-Creator

Evan Peters = Seth Wosmer

J.P. Manoux = Curtis, Neil Hackett

James Welden = Artist and Production Designer

Julie Sherman Wolfe = Writer

John Philpotts = Set Designer

Kelli McCarty = Miss Mayberry

Lise Simms = Barbara Diffy

Milla Uliviero = News Stand Girl

Ricky Ullman = Phil Diffy

Tim Maile = Co-Creator

Yeardley Smith = Mandy Teslow

-‹◊∆◊›-

Act V -- You Told Me To

Hey Guys, just came back to get the time machine.

John, we already told you, we're going to need it in Season 3.

Probably.

Probably.

You two seem stressed. Why don't you just do what Phil did and use the time machine to go back in time and fix things?

Uh, Johnny? This is just a kids' T.V. show, Man. The time machine isn't real.

Have you tried it lately?

Okay ... why don't you have a seat, John, while we call your wife to pick you up? Want something to eat? Something soft, no need for a knife and fork or any anything sharp. Maybe a doughnut? I think there's still a piece of a cruller around here someplace, if "Ethan" hasn't foraged around here lately. How are you feeling, Johnny-Boy?

I think Johnny's crackin' up, Doug. Now, I wish we had let him build the Astrospa.

The what?

We just finished that episode. Astrospa with built-in Robomassager -- ring a bell?

You did let me. Don't you two remember? It's over here under this tarp where I stored it after completing the work. Wish you hadn't cut that scene. Craig never even got to use it. Go on, take a gander at it.

Looks like an ordinary massage table to me, John.

Does, doesn't it? But just lay down and try it out, Doug.

(Humor him until his wife comes to take him home. They say the insane have great strength.)

(AND, AND, you've got my back, right?)

(Whoa! I'm not the one he asked to lie down.)

Sounds great, John, but it's Tim who really needs it. You know, his back? Here, I'll help you get him on the table.

DOUG!

No need to thank me. What are partners for?

Thanks, Doug. Tim, you're in for a treat. You're only the second person to use this so far.

WHat HAppened to the first?

Uh, just push this button right here to start it up.

I'll do it! I'll do it!

Gee, Doug's really enthusiastic about helping his partner. You might want to stand clear, Douglas. Those are the heated rollers emerging from underneath for the opening massage, each with their own army of pliable cones which coax your tense muscles to relax.

Ahh ... this doesn't feel half-bad -- Oh, MY.

That would be the roving vibrations starting in the bed of the table -- those impish humming robots -- they're quite random ... did I mention that they get a bit intimate?

YOU'RE TELLING ME! How will I explain it to my wife?

Next, the RoboMassage will either rock you back and forth, levitate you on a cushion of air, or ---

I've Got To Have This Thing!

-- oh, I see the table's picked the subsonic deep tissue massage for you. That'll completely relax all your voluntary muscles, probably for the first time in your life, unless you've ever been in a coma, and then, you wouldn't know what it felt like, would you?

John -- this is incredible! Why'd you go all out and build a working Robomassager?

You told me to.

That's it? Because we told you to?

Yeah, that's my job. Anyways, can I have the time machine at my house until next season starts?

Uh, yeah, guess so, but why? Going to play time traveler? Heh, heh.

Pretty much. I have a class reunion to attend, among other things, and I thought I'd bring back a younger version of myself to look extra spiffy at the reunion.

Okay, John -- wait, you don't mean the time machine actually works, also? Peters has been sleeping in it, for Pete's sake.

That? No, no. That's just a motorhome.

Ha! Good one! You had us going for a moment there, Johnny.

Yeah, I really thought you had built a working time machine, too.

I did.

You did?

You told me to. Don't you remember? Took me a while, too. Gathering the parts wasn't easy, so I had to give you what I had as I invented it. That's why the time engine keeps changing and growing throughout the series.

But the motorhome?

Is just a motorhome. You said, "Build us a time machine." You didn't say anything about making it move anywhere, but in time, so I built it and plugged it into the new set.

And the time machine's set?

Is just a set.

Then why do you want the time engine and its set?

Because it's cool. Can I take it with me now?

Just a minute, Mr. Philpotts.

Okay, Boss. I'm ready for my massage, anyway.

But I'm next. This isn't fair.

(Will you get over here, Douglas, and quit whining? Don't you know what this means?)

(Yes, he's stealing my turn. Easy for you to say; you're "relaxed.")

(It means we can use the time engine to go back in time and --) Hey, John, does the skyak work, too?

I dunno. Jimmy put that one together. You'll have to ask him.

I don't suppose your time engine spits out diamonds in its exhaust, too, does it, Mr. Philpotts?

I wish.

(Nuts. Anyway, we can take it back in time and arrange everything so Pim's family doesn't move.)

(But I like the direction of a new Pim.)

(Whatever. We can fix whatever we want. Season Six, here we come!)

(Kazow!)

(You mean, "Shazbut.")

(No, I don't think that's it. More like, "Ka-pow!")

("Sha-zam." It was ... no, no, it wasn't.")

(Tah-Da! Nope.)

(Taw-dow? Ta-Dow! That's it!)

(What were we talking about?)

(Saving Phil of the Future.)

(You think this could really work?)

(One way to find out.) Hey, Johnny, you know we're having some trouble, little hiccups, really, concerning our filming Season 3. We need -- Want -- want, like, really, to borrow the time engine for a little jaunt or two to clear up any problems regarding everyone on the show keeping their jobs.

Well, I don't know.

It works, doesn't it?

Oh, sure. It works. That's how I got this classic tie-dye t-shirt and cranberry bellbottoms. Like the look?

Fantastic, really great, John. So, can we?

I guess it would be all right, after all, you did tell me to build it, so I guess it's yours.

Yes, yes it is. Okay, so how does it work?

Just set the date you want to arrive at and flip the "on" switch. Like this.

Wait. John! We're not ready yet! Johnnnnn ...!

-‹◊∆◊›-  
*=)}¡PLINK!{(=*  
-‹◊∆◊›-

Okay, the coast is clear. You can come out now; they're both gone.

Thanks, Buckaroo. I really appreciate you help in clearing them out so we could get an early start setting up the sets for our new Hannah Montanna show more than a old hound dog appreciates a good scratchin' behind both ears.

My pleasure, Mr. Cyrus. This check of yours will clear, right?

Thursday. They won't be back anytime soon, right?

Everybody knows nobody makes it back quickly without all the missing temporal pump valves, Billy. Every loyal viewer knows that. You'd think the show's creators would have remembered that. Say, you look tired. Bet it's stressful creating a new show, all those new sets.

You know that is so true.

Well, I do have experience in that area and some time on my hands, as of now. If you'd like, I could --

I don't think so, John.

Well, couldn't hurt to ask. No hard feelings. How about a free massage?

(Shudder) (Dang Hollywood types. I should have stayed in Nashville. Wonder if I could trust Johnny here to throw another time machine together so I could get my little girl on Hee-Haw ... _Ta-DOW!_) Ahem, as for you, Reader, don't think I haven't noticed you listening in. Better take my advice and play it smart. Forget about what you've overheard and this little show, for that matter, cuz it don't. All that matters in this world is me making my little Miley's dreams come true, even if she sounds like at horse in labor when she tries to carry a tune. Don't get in my way, Reader, or, or ... _Ta-DOW!_

-‹◊∆◊›-

End Act IV  
Fin

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen.  
Please remember your hats and coats before exiting the theater,

and come back, soon!


End file.
